Dear Lord, I praise and thank you for this new beginning. I praise and thank you for the sunrise after the rain. I praise and thank you for being the God of never ending second chances. I praise and thank you for taking charge of our lives, for arranging things for us. I have never imagine all this could be possible, the starting over again, the prospect of being happy and at peace with my life. Thank you for these little gifts of simple delights which I have never thought I deserve. Thank you for making me deserving of your love and forgiveness. Your forgiveness most of all.  Budlay akon kabuhi subong Lord, and you’ve been making me wait for so long nga mag mag-an miskin papano especially financially. But with what has just happened, you showed me that indeed, a new life can spring out of a barren land. I will hang on to hope, Lord. And I will hang on to your promises. Sige lang miskin budlay. Imporante ara ka lang. Thank you for your patience sa akon. Thank you I am just so humbled today nga gin gaan mo ko another chance. I can’t wait to start a new beginning. Our new beginning. Please bless them as well, sila duha nga nag sakit kag nag into sa amo. Sila duha nga nangin selfish kag wala gid nag pinsar sang consequence sang ila gin himo. Sila duha nga  nag kawat sang amon future. Please bless them and look after them. It is my desire nga mangin happy man sila Lord and that they too will find their peace, happiness and fulfilment in life. Because if not, what else are they here for? Surely there has to be something for them, some purpose. It is my prayer that they find that out and live it. I entrust them to you, dear Lord. Please take care of them and bring them hope. 

And my God will supply every need of yours

Philippians 4:19 ESV / 36 helpful votes

And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

Ikaw ang naka balo Lord. Ikaw ang naka balo sang needs ko, kag sang akon pamilya. Ikaw ang naka balo kon para sa ano ang mga amo ninga needs. Today, I will choose nga unahon ka Lord. I will choose nga magsalig sa imo ehatag, depende sa akon kapisan. Today Lord, pisanan ko. Tapuson ko ang trabaho. Trabahuonn ko. Tama na nga tinamad. Tama na nga pa inta. Ma obra ko Lord. Gamiton ko akon lawas, akon kaalam. Akon kusog. Kaya ko ni Lord. You will reward me. Mskin sinner ko, pero ikaw ang akon Ginuo nga kabalo mag patawad. Wala untat magpatawad. You will provide Lord, as you promised. You will supply all our needs, as you promised. Masalig ko sa imo Lord. Ikaw na ang bahala sa tanan namon nga kinahanlanon. Thank you that you are there in whom I can trust. Sa akon lang kusog, I will not be able to do this. Basta tapos na ang ka tamad ko Lord. Tapuson ko ni subong. Sorry.

am i worthy at all

Am I worthy at all in making a reflection about this Gospel reading? Am I even worthy of sharing it to the public? I feel so little, so tiny, so dirty. I feel I would be such a hypocrite if I even try to say something about it according to what the gospel really means. I am so sorry Lord. I am tiny and insignificant. Who am I? Yet I know that I cannot go back to where I will feel "cleaner" anymore. People will perceive me to be clean, but deep inside I feel like I am a corpse rotting and smelly. That is how I feel Lord. Forgive me. I have nothing to be proud of. Clearly I have screwed up my life. Clearly my decisions were stupid. I got lost along the way. But right from the very beginning, you know how it was. You've seen it, Lord. You've seen him. You've seen us. you know the real situation. Long before everything became obvious, you have seen it already. There was nothing for me to hold on to. I was alone most of the time, neglected. Then again I know that these are not justifications for screwing up. I know I have sinned. Have mercy and forgive me Lord. Please be with him. Please send him someone who will take care of him and make him happy. All I want is for him to be happy. All I want is for him to get over everything and move on. Have mercy on me, Lord. Please let me go already.

Reading 1, James 5:9-12

9 Do not make complaints against one another, brothers, so as not to be brought to judgement yourselves; the Judge is already to be seen waiting at the gates.

10 For your example, brothers, in patiently putting up with persecution, take the prophets who spoke in the Lord's name;

11 remember it is those who had perseverance that we say are the blessed ones. You have heard of the perseverance of Job and understood the Lord's purpose, realising that the Lord is kind and compassionate.

12 Above all, my brothers, do not swear by heaven or by the earth or use any oaths at all. If you mean 'yes', you must say 'yes'; if you mean 'no', say 'no'. Otherwise you make yourselves liable to judgement.

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Responsorial Psalm, Psalms 103:1-2, 3-4, 8-9, 11-12

1 [Of David] Bless Yahweh, my soul, from the depths of my being, his holy name;

2 bless Yahweh, my soul, never forget all his acts of kindness.

3 He forgives all your offences, cures all your diseases,

4 he redeems your life from the abyss, crowns you with faithful love and tenderness;

8 Yahweh is tenderness and pity, slow to anger and rich in faithful love;

9 his indignation does not last for ever, nor his resentment remain for all time;

11 As the height of heaven above earth, so strong is his faithful love for those who fear him.

12 As the distance of east from west, so far from us does he put our faults.

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Gospel, Mark 10:1-12

1 After leaving there, he came into the territory of Judaea and Transjordan. And again crowds gathered round him, and again he taught them, as his custom was.

2 Some Pharisees approached him and asked, 'Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?' They were putting him to the test.

3 He answered them, 'What did Moses command you?'

4 They replied, 'Moses allowed us to draw up a writ of dismissal in cases of divorce.'

5 Then Jesus said to them, 'It was because you were so hard hearted that he wrote this commandment for you.

6 But from the beginning of creation he made them male and female.

7 This is why a man leaves his father and mother,

8 and the two become one flesh. They are no longer two, therefore, but one flesh.

9 So then, what God has united, human beings must not divide.'

10 Back in the house the disciples questioned him again about this,

11 and he said to them, 'Whoever divorces his wife and marries another is guilty of adultery against her.

¹² And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another she is guilty of adultery too.'

Thank you Lord

I am sorry Lord. Here I am once again, making a mess. Disorganized, lazy. Among so many other things. Cannot meet deadlines. Cannot seem to manage finances well. I feel so alone. Please be with me. I know I should learn each step of the way. I know I should be better all the time, strive to be better, at least. Please be with me. I feel like I am slumped down every other way. Any other way. I feel like I am being pulled down. I need the energy, Lord. I know I need to get up. I feel scared. When all this is going to end? I know there are opportunities. I know there are so many reasons to be thankful for. I am so sorry. I am so sorry for not fighting so well. I am so sorry for being so sloppy. Please Lord help me. I want to be the best that I can be for you. Basta Lord, daw may mga times nga gina tamad lang gid ko. I want to stick with my prayer time. I want to keep holding on to you. I cannot imagine a life without you. I cannot imagine getting ahead with my journey, without holding your hand. I want to feel your hand. Please hold me. I know this is all going to end anyway. I am just being lazy. Please Lord, be with me. Help me. Please send me something. Or maybe I should stop demanding for anything at all. I just want to be happy. I just want to at least stop worrying about money. How can that be possible? Please be with me. I know there is something that I can still do. I know that things are going to get better. I just need to keep up the fight. I just need to be braver. I just need to be more consistent with my schedule, with what I do. Please Lord, be with me. Please. Thank you Father. Thank you for being there. Thank you for not letting me go. Thank you for all wonderful things that have happened in my life. Thank you for taking care of me and my son. Thank you for being so patient with me. Thank you for a great future ahead of us. Thank you for giving us chance. Thank you for allowing me to experience love, to experience how it is to be cared for, to be thought about. Thank you for being our father who understands, loves and accepts us. Thank you.

ten years

Ten years ta tani? Ten years na subong. Kon gin tarong mo, ten years na dapat nga damo ta sang may nahimo nga insakto sa aton marriage. It’s been ten years of emptiness, ten years of neglect, ten years of forever guessing what is going on inside your mind. Ten years, it’s been a decade.  Haven’t you wondered even once, why it all failed? Haven’t you realized you’ve wasted ten years trying to use me in order to fulfil your own aspirations? Can you imagine that yourself? Ten years of thinking only about yourself? How to satisfy yourself, how to make yourself happy, how to get all you want. You didn’t even think of your son.  Eight years. He is eight now. But he barely knows you. who are you? what are you? A father to him? He doesn’t really feel that. I tell him you love him, but that is only to make sure he grows up without resentment in his heart. But he says to me, “If he loves me then why is he not even calling me” Can I keep lying to him? Until when will I be lying to him, just to take care of your goddamm ego? I cannot lie to him forever. He will know. In his heart, he knows. Love never lies.

Ten years. Where are you all along? what have you done? Ten years. I’ve wasted my life on you. I’ve wasted ten years on you. you are nothing but a selfish bastard. You do not even know love. You are not capable of feeling anything. Oh you are. You feel self pity. That’s all. Because it pertains to yourself and your bloating ego. You make a mistake, and it all my fault. You do something stupid, it is all my fault. You screw yourself up. And it is all my fault. It is all my fault because you are miserable. It is all my fault because you are living a pathetic life. It is all my fault because I am getting on with my life and I am doing good  as far as your  pathetic selfish eyes can see. For you I am doing good raising my son, so you can now sit back and relax. How stupid. How selfish.  You are ten years of waste.  Yes. I regret the ten years. I regret getting to know you. Or did I really get to know you at all? You are a stranger. To everyone. Even to yourself.  I hope you get tired of yourself soon. I hope you get tired of the kind of life that you have. I hope you realize soonest that you are not getting anywhere if you stay a sloth like that.  

Ten years. Syado kanugon. Kon tani wala lang ko nag dali. Kon tani wala lang ko nagpa into sa imo. Kon tani  I was a bit wiser. Tani. Tani. All I can do right now is pray for you instead. Pray for your happiness. Pray for another ten years of renewed faith and hopeful life. Pray for another ten years of life, if not death.  I wish you’re dead, you are better dead than alive and without any purpose. May you be dead soon. Please die soon. So I can be free. I want you to leave this earth than linger pathetic and selfish forever. I can only hope. For what is best for you. dead. Or alive. Than waste another ten years of your life. And my life. I want to be free from your shadow. I want my name back. I want ten years and more with someone who has shared with me only four years of bliss but times that by eternity. Wala binatbat ang ten years mo. Thats all i can say. Ive said enough. 

Dear Lord help me keep my focus. Please help me maintain my zeal and my spirit. I have been getting lazy lately. It’s like it’s all the same anyway. I want to hold on to you and be a victor over these discouragements and nightmares and everything  that tries to keep me from being the best that I can be. Lord please help me. Be with me. I want to be the best that I can be for you. Surely this year is going to be  great year. Surely there are wonderful opportunities for us, and chances for freedom from anything that keeps us in the dark. Hay Lord sorry gid. I have wasted a few days. Wallowed in discouragement. Please help me. I will start with getting to bed early. And waking up early. So I can start achieving things for you early on the day. Thank you very much for being patient with me. Nahuya gid ko sa imo. I need to study the Gospel and get to know you more and more. Please be with me. I pray for things to uncover Lord para Makita ko mskin gamay lang nga encouragement. Please give me another chance. Thank you for your love, thank you for providing for me. Thank you for keeping my family, taking care of our needs. Thank you for keeping us safe from harm. Thank you for sustaining us in your love. Thank you for the never ending compassion for us being sinners. Thank you for choosing us among the many. Thank you for blessing our children, for providing for us so that we can provide for them. Thank you nga gina palangga mo gid kami mskin ka tig-a sang amon ulo. Thank you for not letting us go. I am grateful for this life, everyday is a new day. A new chance para mag improve pa gid. Thank you Lord for being our Father. I know indi manami nga mag hala ka promise tapos indi man lang matuman. But I will start tomorrow na gid Lord. Thank you. For your understanding. SAlamat.