Keeping the Faith

Ako lang di subong isa. Hopefully wala sang may makakita sa akon. Ever since amo ko ni. Misunderstood. Sometimes it feels unfair. Feeling ko ako lang naga intindi sang iban. Ako lang ang pilit mag intindi sang iban. I open my mouth kag ako gali ang may sala. Kabudlay man mag amo ni Lord. Amo na gid ko ni kalain nga tawo? Sorry ha. Feeling ko gina gabaan ko. Lain gid man ko klase tawo. Damo naman ko guro sang may nasakitan. But in spite of all these I am still thankful that you are there, not giving up on me. I'm sorry for all the times that I have screwed up. I can't imagine how much you have loved me over and over again.

It is not a nice feeling to be always misunderstood. Maybe I am not after all supposed to be expecting anything from them. I shouldn't blame them for my own misfortunes. Maybe that's what makes me bitter at times. I hope I am not envious. I don't think I am. That is their life and they've certainly earned that. This is my life and I, too, have to work hard. But haven't I for a long time now? It's so sad to think that all these fighting, all this harboring of ill feelings, are all because of money. It has always been an issue. You see, we are good people Lord. I believe we are. For a long time we have been struggling over this. I just wish I can stay away so we won't have to fight or quarrel each time there is concerns about money.

Ngaa kabudlay gid Lord haw? Gusto ko ma lang simple katama mo. Makabulig sa pamilya ko. Maka provide para sa ila. Ngaa kabudlay gid. I have finished my degree and I have earned it. May tarong ko nga trabaho and yes, thank you for it. Wala ko man na tanan nahimo kon indi tungod sa imo. But why do we always have to suffer? Always. Most of the time. All the time. Daw indi na ko ka tanda sang tiun nga tawhay amon pangabuhi. At least for my family. Tanan nga tuga sang away kag ginamo, kwarta. How I wish ma solve ko na lang na tanan.

Right now I feel so discouraged, Lord. Feeling ko gina pabay-an mo na lang gid ko. Feeling ko you are too conditional. Feeling ko I need to be perfect pa anay para grasyahan mo man ko pareho sang pag grasya mo sa ila. Ngaa kabudlay gid mag tib-ong sa akon Lord haw? Ngaa daw namian ka gid mag sunlog sa akon? Amo na gid ko ni kalain nga tawo?

Right now, I just feel so alone. And somehow I know gina allow mo na matabo para pangitaon ta ka, para sa imo ko mapa apin. Abi mo kis-a daw wala na ko confidence magpa apin sa imo. Kay feeling ko ma disappoint lang ko, ma reject. It has been this way for quite some time now...Gusto ko man mag bag-o a. Gusto ko man malipay ka pa gid sa akon. I know man that you are not running out of second chances for me. I know man, and I am very aware, indi lang ako. Mas damo pa sang mas sobra pa ka dimalas sangsa akon. Pero subong daw sakitan gid ko katama. Grabe gid nga self-pity. Feeling ko it's never going to end.

Maluoy ka man be sa akon. Sa akon pamilya. Buligi man kami nga maka pahuway miskin gamay lang. I need a little breather. Please let me know you are there. Please. I know may kakulangan ko. I know I am also being lazy, complacent. But right now, I just need your help. I need you to help me. Please. Just a little light. I am so desperate for it. Sorry gid sa tanan ko nga gin himo. Sorry gid sa tanan ko nga ka gagahan. Sorry gid sa tanan ko nga lies, deceptions. I promise to do my best to be better. Indi man insigida pero I promise I will try every day. As in EVERYDAY. What do I have to bargain with, Lord? Do I need to at all? Just to get some little bit of favor from you? Miskin gamay lang.

Amo na lang gid ni guro himuon ko for now. Wala man ko anything nga inug bargain. Ma ingos na lang gid ko. Everyday. Ma ingos ko sa imo. Asta maluoy ka sa akon. Or asta matak-an ka sa akon.